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Michelle Williams: "Waaaaaa..."

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Some things drive me crazy and other things drive me REALLY crazy: People who are too afraid to make a right turn at a red light when there is no signage telling them that they can't; asshole guys who manage to consistently score hot girls; the outrageous price of printer ink; the inexplicable appeal of Nickelback; and ex-Dawson Creekers who bellyache about the very thing that gave them their big break.

No, not him. I present to you the girl formerly known as Jen Lindley who is only famous due to the very popular television show she is about to whine about:

"I said to a friend being on Dawson's Creek was kind of like being a mobster.
You set up a shop selling pizza but in the back you're laundering money.
You're doing one thing in plain sight and secretly plotting something else.
I was plotting my tastes, my interests, my beliefs and hopes for what
I could be. It was hard getting jobs I wanted. I was a pop tart."

Boo-fucking-hoo. Michelle Williams might have had a full-time career in a pizza shop had it not been for that show. It's because of Dawson's Creek that she even gets a chance be in a major movie.

I can understand how some actors struggle with the typecasting that comes when they are a popular character on a successful TV show, but in reality, that's pretty great bad luck to have. Most of the other cast members also managed to have some success beyond the TV show so it's not as if being on the infamous teen drama was career suicide for any of them.

It simply bugs me to no end when entertainers who are lucky enough to be one of the .001% of people who go to Hollywood and actually get that one big break that the other 99.99% percent only dream of and then whine about the typecasting or the limitations that they had to endure all while enjoying the success, money and fame that came because of that opportunity.

STFU, Michelle Williams. I believe you are just bitter because your character sucked after the first couple seasons because you have no range and the fact that Katie Holmes (and her hotness) completely overshadowed you as the show gained popularity.

You know what? Forget Michelle Williams. This post is now about how hot Katie Holmes used to be...

And last but not least...

Damn you, Tom Cruise for ruining poor Katie. Damn you!!!!

The Blood Thirsty, Pro-Life Minister

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I'm always amazed by the hypocrisy of pro-lifers. They'll lose their minds over the idea that people are doing away with a day old fetuses via morning after pills, but it's A-OK to strap someone to a chair and have them jolted by 1.21 gigawatts until they are charbroiled sirloin.

The quote that inspired this post came from the saintly Mick Huckabee who says of the original WikiLeaks source:

"Whoever in our government leaked that information
is guilty of treason, and I think anything less
than execution is too kind a penalty."

Nice. You gotta love a blood-thirsty minister.

What I'll never quite understand is why ALL life is not sacred to pro-lifers. If you are going to go around touting how "pro life" you are, shouldn't you actually be PRO-life -- as in support of ALL human lives -- and not just the cute, white, soon-to-be natural born citizen fetuses? Apparently it's also OK to bomb the shit out of a country who didn't even attack us and kill thousands of innocent people in the process, but putting the kibosh on a small cluster of cells is the worst sin imaginable.

Honestly, what ever happened to the idea of Thou Shalt Not Kill? Most of the pro-life enthusiasts are religious kooks yet it's like they think this rule is subjective. Was there an asterisk somewhere on the 'ol stone tablet to inform us that this commandment was up for interpretation? Sure the commandment is literally etched in stone and we accept it as fact, but...

While I'm not sure how comfortable I am with every detail that has been uncovered in this WikiLeaks ordeal, the one thing that I am sure of is that the guy who spills the beans on the government isn't deserving of being executed -- or whatever unspeakable, masochistic plans Huckabee has imagined for him.

The Summer of Epic Fail

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Remember when summer movies used to actually be good? Ahh... the good 'ol days when we had quality choices every single weekend of summer season. What the hell happened to those days?!?

Today, our choices seem to be a bad movie or an even worse movie. The thinking in Hollywood must be that people are so excited to see these supposed 'blockbusters' that they don't actually care how good they are.

RottenTomatoes.com really has the best system for gauging the quality of a movie. It basically takes all of the reviews from credible reviewers, adds up their individual grades and comes up with a total score. Now lets look at what we've been offered so far since the beginning of May...

Shrek Forever After - 52%
Just Wright - 49%
Letters To Juliet - 46%
MacGruber - 45%
Robin Hood - 44%
Prince of Persia - 39%
Sex in the City 2 - 16%
Killers - ??

All of these movies are classified as 'rotten' via the Rotten Tomatoes website. "Killers" doesn't have a score because they wouldn't even let critics near it before it opened. Only "Iron Man 2" managed to achieve the status of 'fresh' with a underwhelming score of 74%.

This could very well be the worst May in the modern history of cinema. It's certainly the most pitiful May that I can recall. Audiences must have felt the very same way as this was the worst Memorial Day weekend box office in 17-years. Take that Hollywood!!

It's almost insulting that they believe that audiences will see any old crap they put out there during the summer season. The problem is that unless people swear by reviews, audiences don't really have any idea how good a film is until they have already coughed up their $11.

Other than "Toy Story 3", it seems that we're only facing even more epic failure with potential stinkers like "Marmaduke", "Get Him To The Greek", "A-Team" and "Grown Ups" all on deck. This sure is shaping up to be one crummy summer at the movies...

My Advice To Big Ben: Stop Raping Women


Pittsburgh Steeler legend, Terry Bradshaw, recently offered Ben Roethlisberger his advice on what should be doing to fix things in his life. The advice included getting better handlers, avoid bars and college towns, not reading prepared statements and other methods to rehabilitate his damaged image.


Shouldn't the advice really be for Big Ben to just stop raping women?

I mean, if Big Ben stops forcing himself on women who cannot prevent a 6'5", 250 lb. man from doing what he wants to them, I think it's safe to say that future problems might be avoided.

So far, Ben Rapelisberger has been lucky because he's:

A) An NFL superstar
B) Rich
C) White

All Plaxico Burress did was accidentally shoot himself at a bar and he went to jail for two-years. Maybe one Superbowl ring just isn't worth as much as two in the eyes of the law.

It also helps that Ben Roethlisberger had a police officer who was just as enamored with his celebrity as any other average Joe investigating the case.

Ironically, this dopey officer who helped Ben Roethlisberger the night of the 'incident' is now
out of a job all because he wanted to protect the privileged in our society instead of the real victim of the crime. While justice will not be served in this case, at least karma didn't take very long to come around and set things slightly straighter.

The Sad Death of Peter Steele

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"Two steps forward, three steps back,
Without warning, heart attack..."

In news particularly sad to me, Peter Steele (Petrus T. Ratajczyk ) of Type O Negative passed away yesterday at the age of 48 due to heart failure. It's been a hard thing to accept from the moment I read about it this morning. Type O Negative has been one of my very favorite bands for half of my entire existence.

Having heard significantly more about Peter Steele's drug and alcohol struggles from Peter himself over the last 2 or 3 years, I suppose this news didn't entirely blindside me. It also doesn't make his death any less hard to accept.

"You love someone, there will be grief,
The kiss of death, lips of a thief..."

I became an instant fan of Type O Negative the night I first saw "Black No. 1" on Headbanger's Ball back in 1993. One single watch of the video prompted me to go out and buy Bloody Kisses for $18.99 at The Wall. That was the most I had and have ever spent on a single disc CD. Because it was so expensive, I played the hell out of it that weekend and beyond in order to justify buying an pricey CD based on one viewing of one music video.

"I hate to wish it, but I'll tell you though,
That I'm quite ready because I'm already dead..."

As I reflected on Peter Steele and Type O Negative today, as sad as it all is, I couldn't help but also smile at the many memories I have about the band and meeting Peter after shows...

I remember seeing Type O Negative open for Danzig and after the show, Peter Steele was signing autographs in just a green shirt and tighty whiteys on the step on his tour bus. You can't forget that imagery even if you want to!

I also recall after one show on the Bloody Kisses tour where a fan asked Peter Steele for a guitar pick and after he searched his pockets, he came up empty. Instead, he gave the fan a screwdriver that was in his back pocket. I'll never forget that on the next tour, the same guy brought back that very screwdriver for Peter to sign.

I'll also never forget when waiting after one show, we waited well over an hour for Peter Steele to come out of the venue. The band and the entire crew were loaded up and ready to go and Peter was the last one to exit. Everyone was waiting on him so they could go and yet when Peter did come out, he profusely apologized for the lack of time that he had, but still signed for every last person who waited for him in the rain even while the bus was honking its horn for him to get going.

The very first time I ever met Peter Steele after a show, he made the best impression. After signing for everyone, he just plopped himself up on the hood of a curbside car and just hung out with the lingering fans. It was the first 'rock star' I ever conversed with like a regular person. So you see, the reason we waited outside as many shows as we did is because we liked Peter so much as a person and he made it worth our often very long wait.

"Everything Dies,
Everything Dies...."

I have to say that one thing Peter Steele accomplished for me is that he helped desensitize death and helped open my eyes a little wider to my own mortality. So many songs related to death in one way or another that it took something that most people try not to think about and put it front and center in his music. It's hard to sing along to a song like "Everything Dies" and not have it serve as a little pinch of reality. In the real world, death isn't something to romanticize, but it's healthier to realize that you (and others) aren't going to live forever. You appreciate life more when you do.

I've been lucky enough to see Type O Negative over a dozen times over their career. The most memorable shows were the once annual Halloween concerts where the band would end the night with a giant toilet paper fight with the audience. Of all the things things I've had Peter Steele sign that have since been packed away, the one thing that has has endured on my shelf is the autographed toilet paper roll that he signed for me after one of the Halloween shows. Such a memento would probably only would make sense to those who participated in those epic TP battles!

"It's better to burn quickly and bright,
Than slowly and dull without a fight..."

As the day has gone on, the reality of Peter Steele's death has really begun to set in. At first, it just didn't seem real, but sadly, he is no longer with us. I don't doubt that his demise was, in part, due to many years of a reckless, self-abusive lifestyle which makes it somewhat difficult to see this is an untimely tragedy. Of course, it doesn't make it any less sad.

"Please don't dress in black,
When you're at his wake,
Don't go there to mourn,
But to celebrate..."

Peter Steele -- you will have forever touched my life through your music, lyrics and the many great memories you've given me. I'll always regret having missed seeing Carnivore live just once. Dammit! Thankfully, you have left a sonic legacy behind that I will get to enjoy for the rest of my own life. Thank you for everything, Peter. I will miss you.

Eagles + Vick - McNabb = Racial Cover-Up?

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While the nation is abuzz over the trade of Donovan McNabb to the Washington Redskins, one headline among hundreds concerning the whole ordeal really stood out: Did Eagles Get Michael Vick as Racial Cover-Up?

The writer (Zennie62) actually believes that the Eagles decision to sign Michael Vick was racially motivated and is willing to bet that he is right.

While I am willing to bet he is wrong, please allow me to set the table first...

For the last several weeks, I've been listening to various national football know-it-alls talking about how the Philadelphia Eagles were going to make a big mistake by trading Donovan McNabb. Yet, tune into the sports talk in Philly and you'll hear how fans and radio hosts alike were eager to send McNabb out of town. Is it possible that the fans in Philadelphia knew a little more about McNabb the rest of the less informed country? Absolutely.

So then it's no surprise that this bizarre headline is found on the website of a newspaper based, not in Philadelphia, but San Francisco. It's also no surprise that the writer also characterizes the decision to trade McNabb as "dumb." One then has to wonder whether the claim of a "racial cover-up" really has more to do with his dislike of the trade than anything else.

Now, if someone were a truly brushed up on the history of quarterbacking in Philadelphia, they'd recall that over the last 25-years, three players have started the overwhelming majority of football games for the Eagles:

1. Donovan McNabb
2. Rodney Peete
3. Randall Cunningham

As for the rest of the guys who have had brief stints behind center over those years, it's mostly an unimpressive list of Caucasian scrubs (Bobby Hoying, Doug Peterson, Ty Detmer, Koy Detmer, A.J. Feeley, etc.) who never started a full season for the Eagles.

Ron Jaworski was the last white Eagles quarterback to be the opening day starter in consecutive seasons way back in 1985 & 1986. Philly fans have been watching black quarterbacks guide their team through the bulk of the last 25 seasons beginning with Randall Cunningham.

Why then would the Philadelphia Eagles organization feel ANY need to protect themselves from some wild racism theory?? They shouldn't and they wouldn't.

That being the case, the claim that the Eagles signed Vick as a "racial cover-up" is completely and utterly asinine. ASININE.

You see, some NFL team was going to sign Michael Vick as a backup QB in 2009 -- so why not the Eagles?? Donovan McNabb's contract was nearing an end and with only a miserable 30-minutes of football under Kevin Kolb's belt, there certainly was a legitimate possibility that Michael Vick could have been the Eagles starter in 2010.

In terms of morals, signing Michael Vick was an awful decision. The guy is the scum of the earth. That being said, signing SeƱor Mexico was a relatively smart business decision by the Eagles since he basically had to settle for a crummy, low-money contract and like it.

While there are still plenty of places where African Americans don't get a fair shake in business and elsewhere, the Philadelphia Eagles are not a organization who would need protection from claims of racism. Furthermore, anyone who floats the idea that the Eagles needed to sign Michael Vick as a "racial cover-up" after 25-years of black quarterbacking is someone who only adds to the complications that we already have with racism in our country.

Good job, idiot.

Are 3D Movies Really Worth $17??

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A big sarcastic 'thank you' needs to go out to the 3D movie-going public who have been throwing their money away on every three-dimensional movie Hollywood has tossed at you within the last year. Because of you, the major movie theater chains are jacking up their prices all because you told them with your wallets that you were more than happy to pay $14.00+ to see movies instead of the $10 you could have paid in 2D.

Not only did you screw yourselves by causing them to jack your 3D prices by up to 25%, but you screwed the rest of us too. The regular 2D prices also went up this past weekend due to you wasteful clowns.

See, since so many of you guys don't even flinch when the guy at the counter says "$29, please" for two tickets and a couple of pairs of plastic glasses, the theater chains figured that you really wouldn't mind paying $22 for all those movies that aren't offered in 3D. Gee, thanks.

The ONLY good news that came out of the weekend was that the film that they decided to premier their higher 3D prices with, "How To Train Your Dragon", underwhelmed at the box office and left them all scratching their heads. It also resulted in Dreamworks' stock losing 9% of its value on Monday. So much for that great idea...

Unfortunately, wishing for lower prices to now return is as futile as putting toothpaste back in the tube. Prices in this line of business never go back down. We're stuck with new higher ticket prices, already sky-high concession prices and even some brand spankin' new rules from theater chains like AMC that now officially prohibit any outside food or drink -- all happening at a time when our economy is in the crapper.

It would be nice to think that there is limit where people will simply refuse to pay X-amount of money to see a movie in 3D -- or in any 'D' for that matter. Is there really a point where will people will say that paying $100 to take their family of 4 to the movies is just too much and paying $9 for a Netflix membership and $3 for a box of microwavable popcorn is just a better deal?

I admit that I'll really be rooting against this coming week's 3D offering, "Clash of the Titans". In this instance, they didn't even film the movie with the intent to show it in 3D. The 3D-ness was actually thought up in post-production and was basically added as a simple corporate cash grab. Even so, I have no doubt that plenty of suckers will be paying $15, $16 and $17 each just to see a mediocre movie that wasn't even filmed with them in mind.